十件事助你寻回伴侣魅力
十件事助你寻回伴侣魅力
Ten Things You Can Do To Feel More Attracted to Your Partner
1. Redefine Attraction
How do you evaluate your partner’s attractiveness? Look at yourself in this process too. Attraction is more than just skin deep – there is companionship, emotional and intellectual compatibility. In order to feel more attracted to your partner, look at them as a whole and consider all the positive factors that contribute to the quality of your relationship.
2. Recognize Your Fears and Face Them
When you’re in the thicket of anxiety, it’s almost impossible to feel positive feelings towards your partner. Sorting out your own internal balance is required before the relationship can be resumed as before. Deal with your own stress levels and find strategies to maintain balance in your life. This allows positive feelings to flow back into the relationship and help you to reconnect with your partner. If your job is causing you stress, deal with the source rather than transferring the stress onto your relationship. This is the easiest option but it will most definitely cause long term damage to your relationship.
3. Love Yourself
When we don’t like ourselves, we tend to project what we don’t like about ourselves onto our partners. The more we accept ourselves, the more tolerant we are of others around us. If there’s something that you don’t like about yourself, take responsibility and focus on improving yourself. Self development is vital, it gives us meaning and encourages greater contentment within ourselves and with others. Self love encourages positive regard and can promote an environment where we feel more attracted to our partners.
4. Remind Yourself Why You Fell in Love in the First Place
What attracted you to your partner in the first instance? Was it their kindness? Did they make you laugh? As time goes by, we can become complacent and focus on the irritations and negatives rather than what we enjoy and appreciate about our partners. Monotony invariably sets in and we are all subject to the routines of life like paying bills and housework. Make a conscious effort to focus on what you love about your partner and you’ll feel more attracted.
5. Improve the Mental and Emotional Connection
Communicate to feel more attracted! When we are emotionally and mentally connected, the physical connection is so much better. We all need an ally in life and feeling close and connected to someone is one of the free gifts that life gives us. Ensure you spend quality time together and talk about the important stuff, not just about the chores and what’s on the television. Get to know each other and stay connected. Do this on a regular basis and you increase the chances of maintaining attraction.
6. Check For Any Underlying Health Concerns
Some health issues can affect libido. Anxiety and exhaustion can cause a lack of libido. Drugs and alcohol, hormonal issues, depression and getting older can all affect our sex drive. If lack of libido has been an issue for over three months, go see your GP to check whether there is a health issue that needs to be addressed.
7. Practice Gratitude – Cognitive Behavioral Modification
Remind yourself regularly of all the things you appreciate about your partner. Get into the habit of regularly telling your partner of the things they have done that you appreciate. Some of my clients leave each other post-it notes two or three times a week, telling their partner of three things they appreciate. It could be something as simple as making each other a cup of tea/coffee or it could be appreciation over thoughtfulness or patience. Feeling important and validated by your partner definitely leads us to feel more attracted.
8. Do Some Thrill Seeking Together
In a classic experiment conducted by Arthur Aron, researchers gave couples a list of activities that were “pleasant” (such as cooking, going to the cinema or going out with friends) or “exciting” (skiing, ice skating, bungi jumping or attending concerts) but that they had enjoyed only infrequently. Each couple was instructed to select one of these activities each week and spend 90 minutes doing it together. At the end of ten weeks, the couples who engaged in the “exciting” activities reported greater satisfaction in their relationship than those who engaged in “pleasant” or enjoyable activities together.
Surprise and excitement are potent forces. When something novel occurs, we tend to pay attention, to appreciate the experience or circumstance, and to remember it. We are less likely to take our partners for granted when the relationship continues to deliver strong positive emotional reactions. Uncertainty sometimes enhances the pleasure of positive events and enables us to feel more attracted to our partners. For example, a series of studies conducted by researchers at the University of Virginia and at Harvard showed that people experienced longer bursts of happiness when they were at the receiving end of an unexpected act of kindness and remained uncertain about where and why it had originated. So, go ice skating, do something different and step out of your comfort zone together to reintroduce passion and connection.
9. Learn Each Other’s “Love Languages”
According to Gary Chapman, there are five languages of love. These are: quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation and physical touch. We all have preferences in the way we feel loved. For some of us, it is compliments (words of affirmation) and for others, it may be that spending quality time with their partner makes them feel loved. All five languages of love matter though and injecting these five elements into your relationship will promote closeness and help you to feel more attracted to each other.
10. Be Independent – Don’t Expect to Get All Your Needs Met by Your Partner
When we expect our partner to meet all our needs, we can end up feeling resentful when our partners are unable to meet our needs and expectations. It is unrealistic to expect your partner to be able to meet all your needs. Instead, be realistic – have a good group of friends and interests outside the relationship.
Attraction and feeling connected in a relationship is something that needs to happen on an ongoing basis or else other things will ‘crowd’ it out and take its place. Behave your way to success. Like the old adage: Use it or lose it. Eschew predictability in favor of discovery, novelty and opportunities for unpredictable pleasure and feel more attracted in the long term.
感情总有起起落落。这再正常不过了。但是你怎么应对对伴侣感到索然无味的阶段呢？大多数感情都会经历蜜月期，那时一切都很顺利，两个人也在身体上彼此吸引。
1. 重新定义魅力
你觉得你伴侣是否有魅力？在思考的同时也看看自身。魅力不光停留在表层，还包括陪伴，心智相容程度。为了发现伴侣的魅力，请将上述因素当做整体看待并记得考虑所有提高情感品质的正面因素。
2.找出担忧，直面恐惧
当你迷失在焦虑之林中，你几乎不可能对伴侣产生积极的感觉。在感情恢复如常之前，你应当使自己达到内心的平衡。搞清你所处的压力水平并找出能维持生活平衡的对策。这会使积极的感觉回流进你们的感情并帮助你与伴侣恢复心意相通。如果你的压力来源于工作，你应当处理压力源而不是把压力带入感情中。可能那是最简单的选择，但是毫无疑问，长远来看你的感情会受到损害。
3.爱自己
当我们不喜欢自己时，会倾向于将对自己的不满投射到伴侣身上。我们越是接受自己，就越能够包容身边的人。如果你对自己的确不满意，应当担起责任，专注于提升自我。自我发展至关重要，因为它能赋予我们的生命以意义，帮助我们对自己对他人都能知足。自爱会带来积极关怀，还有助于形成一种氛围，是我们能更好地感受伴侣的魅力。
4.提醒自己最初两人相爱的原因
起初对方的什么特点吸引了你？善良？幽默？随着时间的流逝，我们可能会对自己的错误心安理得，只盯着恼人的事和消极面，忘了伴侣身上我们曾享受欣赏过的美好。生活开始一成不变，我们屈服于付账单做家务这种日常生活。有意识地关注伴侣身上吸引你的特点，你会更能感受到对方的魅力。
5.增强精神与情感上的联系
沟通吧！你会更能感受伴侣的魅力的！当我们精神与情感都紧密相连，身体上的联系也会得到改善。在生活中我们都需要同盟，而生活赐予我们的无数馈赠之一就是与他人之间亲密并相互联系的感受。确保你们两人享受了高品质的二人时光，你们的谈话不局限于杂务和电视节目，还涉及到重要的事。逐渐了解彼此并保持联系。定期这样做，那么你们之间保持相互吸引的概率会有提高。
6.针对所有潜在的健康问题作出检查
某些健康问题会影响性欲。焦虑和疲劳都是造成性欲缺乏的原因。毒品、酒精、激素异常、抑郁和衰老，这些都会影响性欲。如果你已经超过三个月出现性欲缺乏的现象，请去找医生检查是否存在需要处理的健康问题。
7.练习感激——认知行为修正
定期提醒自己伴侣身上吸引你的一切。养成习惯定期向伴侣表达对他们所做之事的感激。我的一些客户每周会有两三次给对方随意贴，上面写着三样他们所欣赏的事。既可以简单到如为对方泡茶/咖啡也可以是对体贴或耐心的感激。在伴侣眼中显得重要和有效必然会使我们更能发现对方的魅力。
8.共同寻求刺激
在亚瑟•阿伦的经典实验中，研究者给出夫妇们一系列“令人舒适的”（例如做饭，看电影或和朋友外出玩）或者“刺激的”（滑雪，滑冰，蹦极或听音乐会）但是他们很少享受过的活动。每周，每组夫妇要从中挑选一项并用90分钟共同完成它。10周后，参加“刺激”活动的夫妇报告对情感的满意程度高于选择“舒适”活动的夫妇。
惊喜和刺激都是有效外力。当出现新奇的事儿时，我们倾向于关注和欣赏这种体验与情境，并记住它。当感情中持续出现强大的积极情感反应时，我们不太可能对伴侣熟视无睹。有时，不确定性能增强积极事件的乐趣并使我们更能感受伴侣的魅力。例如，弗吉尼亚大学和哈弗大学的研究人员共同进行的一系列研究显示，当人们受到预料之外的友善之举并不知悉这种友善之举的源头与原因时，他们能体验到更持久的喜悦感迸发。因此，滑冰，尝试新事物，踏出你们的安全区，重拾激情与默契。
据盖瑞•查普曼的理论，有五种表达爱的方式。它们是：优质时光，服务行为，赠送礼物，赞美之言和肌肤之亲。我们都会偏爱我们能感到被爱的方式。对一些人而言是赞美，对另一些人而言可能是他们在与父母共度优质时光时他们会感到被爱。但这五种“爱的语言”都很重要。将这五种元素注入你们的感情，会有利于更加亲密也帮助你们更能感受对方的魅力。
10.独立起来——不要让你的伴侣来满足你所有的需求
如果我们指望伴侣来满足我们所有需求，在他们没能达到我们的需求和期望时我们很可能以怨恨对方告终。指望伴侣能满足你所有需求是不现实的。相反，现实起来，在感情外培养一大群好友与爱好吧。
一段感情中的魅力与默契感是建立在持续的基础或其他能使它们“挤到一起”的事情上的。用你的方式获得成功。正如那句格言：非用即失。为了更好的享受发现，新鲜事和无法预知的乐趣，长久地享受双方的魅力，请避免毫无新意可言的事。
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